Things I am NOT Thankful For

Sure the holidays are a great time to reflect on all the things for which we are grateful. I fully intend to do this, but sometimes it is important to think of all those things which we are really NOT grateful for. Luckily there aren't too many of these. You/Things have to really annoy or disgust me to make this list. 

1. Mustard

Could there seriously be a grosser product in the world?? People think I am weird because I have a fear of it. But there are several reasons for this: 1. It smells bad 2. tastes bad 3. looks gross 4. has a funny texture 5. and an ugly color. Seriously that should convince you. People sometimes ask me if I have even tried mustard before. YES!! My mom used to always mix up my sandwich with my sister's as a kid. Nothing was worse than biting into a seemingly edible sandwich, only to realize it was poisoned with this substance. I would immediately spit it out and my appetite was gone for the day. Later on people started using mustard as a torture tool for me, chasing me with it, putting it on my bed, rubbing it on me. I even had an ex bf (I won't mention any names) who FED it to me when I wasn't paying attention. Needless to say I wasn't thankful then and I am NOT thankful for it now. Neither is this lady below from the Maury Povich show (an American classic). I think we have a lot in common: 




See I love ketchup too and I also worked at a fast food establishment. Hmm I'm not sure I want to have so much in common with this lady. 

2. Automatic Flush Toilets

Automatic flush toilets just stress me out. You make one quick movement and they are ready to go. That means one false move and toilet water may splash at you. I would rather just flush the toilet myself when I know I am ready. I actually breathe a sigh of relief when I see a manual toilet. Unfortunately I know one day they will all be gone, but this is not a system that works. I think the public should really be focused on toilet reform. 

3. Sugarland "All I want to do."

I think this might be the most annoying song of all time. Something about it just makes me cringe. If listening to it once isn't enough, it literally stays in your head for hours. Replaying and Replaying. No thank you. I will take Britney Spears or David Cook any day.

4. Shepherd's Pie/American Chop Suey/Venus DeMilo Soup

These are three meals from my childhood that make me just cringe. I suppose I was always a picky eater, and I feel bad about that. However, I think my mom overmade these meals and the thought of them brings back very bad memories of long nights at the dinner table. I especially cringe when I think of Shepherd's pie made with peas and carrots. Just corn I can do but peas AND carrots are the grossest combination ever. I'm not thankful for those memories. The WORST food memory of all time involves one night when my mom purchased something called Venus de Milo soup. It was made with all these weird beans and she would not let us leave the dinner table until we ate it all. My sister and I almost had to sleep there because it was so disgusting. It was almost like eating toxic waste mixed with nasty beans. No thanks.

5. Monro Muffler and Brake

I'm not a bad person. I give things chances. I've given this place two opportunities to prove itself. I went there once for an oil change last year and I was kept waiting an inordinate amount of time and then told that I had major brake problems with my car. When my check engine light recently came on, I returned here (it was the only place open on a sunday). During this occasion the employee took forever to even come to the front desk to talk to me and another customer. He then said it would be this ridiculous price and time period to do a diagnostic on the car. I just got my car fixed at Tarbox Hyundai and they told me that although there are several problems with my car, the brakes are actually good. Way to go Monro Muffler and Brake aka Huge Brake Scammers.

6. Milk

Milk has caused a lot of problems in my life. For 22 years of my life (except for one when I had an allergy when I was younger) I adored anything dairy. Ice cream, milk, pizza, you name it. Then I became allergic (I think) and I now have to think about what everything is made of. You would be surprised by the things they sneak milk into. It also makes me feel like a weirdo when I order things and have to ask for all these special orders. It has also ruined several birthday parties for me. So this Thanksgiving I would have to say I am not thankful for cow's milk. 

7. Germs

Visible signs of germs (sneezing, coughing, sniffling) typically send me and my sister running in the opposite direction. They are just a bad sign of things to come. We realized this year that maybe we are just not normal. We sanitize our hands every few minutes, overdose (literally) on vitamin C, and lysol the atmosphere. We then actually quarantine ourselves from any diseased people into Linda's house until their illness passes. Nurses we are not.

8. The Neighborhood Thief

Apparently there is some neighborhood thief prowling the mean streets of Johnston in search of a GPS. I am not thankful for this. No one likes to have their car rifled through, and I am just going to put it out there that I do not have anything of value (unless you really like Britney Spears CDs).  However, my sister did, and the neighborhood thief stole hers. In theory I really could have borrowed that some day for when I have to navigate my way through Cranston. Therefore, I am also not thankful for thieves on her behalf.